This is a bit different to my usual writing here. It is far more personal, far more story like. I wanted, however, to recall that chaotic day, and my experience from afar. It is a very privileged account, as I was fortunate not to be in Ukraine, however, I think it is worth writing, at least for myself.
On the morning of the 24th of February, I was in England, at my mum’s house with my wife. We were meant to be back in Kyiv, Ukraine after a holiday to Sri Lanka, yet when the flights started getting diverted, and I kept getting bombarded with emails from the British embassy to leave Kyiv, we decided, just in case, to go to the UK.
I had gone to bed after watching some news, with American big brains talking about the imminent invasion on the BBC. I, admittedly, was not that convinced the Russians would launch a full-scale invasion. How could they think they could take a country of 42 million with an army of 240,000? Well, I had begun to have doubts about my doubts a week or so prior, when I heard the soldiers were moving into attack formations, when Putin said Lenin created Ukraine, but still, it seemed irrational, even for Russia!
Nonetheless, at around 6am GMT, my wife, who had contacted some tropical fever after our trip, woke me up to say “the Russians have attacked.”
After hearing “The Russians have attacked” I had several reactions at once. One reaction, a pure one of physical need, was to go back to sleep. I needed rest, as due to my wife’s fever I was severely lacking in it. I closed my eyes immediately to give in to this response before each other reaction, seemingly from a different aspect of my psyche and body, kicked in.
Are the cats okay?
Are my wife’s family okay?
Are our friends okay?
Where are the Russians?
What do we do?
Who do we contact?
What sources do I check to learn more?
I grabbed my phone, to see.
“So, what is the situation?”
“Apparently, they’re coming in everywhere. Every airport bombed. They’re going towards Kyiv, Mariupol is under attack, the south is being bombed. It doesn’t look good” My wife said
Sheer panic. These words were everything I feared but denied. “What about our cats and things?”
We had a contingency plan for this situation, some friends with a car would take the cats and important documents west and we’d figure out the rest. Our plan for if we were in Ukraine was to get to Uzhhorod. We didn’t plan further. No one really did. No one thought about what’s after you’re somewhere safe. However, the plan fell through, as the couple to take our cats got out of Kyiv very early. Understandable as the woman was pregnant at the time (now safely in Poland). Thankfully, the friends house sitting for us were there still.
I asked:
“What can I do?”
“Check on our friends.”
Are you guys alive? What are you doing? I began to write in the chat but I saw there were about 40 messages. I understood several of them had woken up, and were coordinating. Not much to do. So, I rewrote along the lines of: I hope you all get through this. No idea what we can do from the UK but if we can help, let us know. We’re trying to get our cats and friends out atm.
Since arriving in the UK, I was trying to sort out my wife’s visa, as the UK had already opened the family scheme, and while my wife had a tourist visa it would eventually expire. So, I had to call the home office, again, as I had and did for several days. First number told me to call another number, the second told me a third, the third, told me to call the original. They all didn’t know. One woman insisted my wife would have to leave and reapply, as there was no scheme for people inside the UK. She was incredibly rude. Another woman hung up. One man, thankfully, calmed me down, told me not to leave, and something would be sorted.
I also had an interview scheduled that day. Somehow, I got to the second stage. I barely remember the job, but I remember saying “Well I was living in Kyiv but….” And her reaction was of just pure Britishness “Oh god, hope your wife’s family are okay.”
I sat on my computer and got every live map, every telegram channel I could find, twitter, whatever, to see what was going on.
“Any news about our flat?” I asked my wife
“They taped the windows, waiting to get a lift, a few options are potentially happening. But, they said, if there’s another siren, they may go to the shelter without the cats”
“But they promised”
“Joe, we aren’t being bombed”
I had visions of our two cats, scared, in their cat carriers on the street, surrounded by explosions and death
I did learn, quite fast, that no, Ukraine had not lost its entire Airforce, that was nothing but propaganda. I did also learn a horrific number of trolls from the developing world have a weird affinity for Russia on telegram, but then again, that’s like thinking the Daily Mail comment section is representative of the UK.
It was after some time, I realised…it wasn’t all lost.
Russia had botched its landing at Hostomel and lost its paratroopers, elite forces.
Russia lost helicopters over the Kyiv Sea.
There was supposedly a fighter pilot who took down seven planes already. Later, we learned, this was not true. But words cannot express how the Ghost of Kyiv was a story I really needed. I still choose to believe. And a friend recorded a plane from our apartment, I like to say it was the ghost.
Kyiv, Ukraine, was fighting back. Mariupol was holding on thanks to Azov and other battalions.
Odessa, while under attack, was not being amphibiously assaulted (to this day I am still surprised at this).
People were queuing up to get weapons, while others got in their cars and tried to flee to safety. We all do what we think is best.
Brave people stood in front of tanks.
The people resisted.
My wife told me “The security guards of our residential complex, you know the ones that wake us up every morning by yelling at taxi drivers? Apparently, they’re not entirely useless”
“No?”
“They’re taking security seriously. Checking documents, patrolling, and helping anyone get to the shelter to wait things out. They also said “All family welcome, and pets are family””
“Thank god”
That day, and frankly, the next few blurred. I still cannot fully remember the order of events. Me calling the home office. Checking telegram channels. Checking on friends. Updates about our cats and friends. My wife’s family’s safety. Bombs here. Soldiers here. Death here. Missing child here. Lost cat here. Lost dog there. “Put sunflowers in your pocket”. Kherson, Kharkiv, Sumy, Odessa, Chernihiv all under threat of Russian troops. Every region, apart from Zakarpattia, hit with bombs. Big brain takes about NATO expansion, “ALOHA” from Tulsi Gabbard, NAZIS!, AZOV, all flooded my social media. The day became a blur.
Hostomel held. Kyiv, held. Russian troops getting closer. Who knew what was next.
Zelensky released his video.
“I am here”
Kyiv would stand. It will stand.
That night, on the 24th, I contemplated the pub but decided to avoid the questions. I grabbed a beer instead. I couldn’t do anything else. And that, that is what felt worst of all to me.
Eventually, at around 12am, still awake, obviously, my wife said to me “I have news…es”
“We don’t pluralise…doesn’t matter. What is it?”
“The cats behaved on the journey. They are near my parents. The car broke down, something with the tire.”
“Oh shit”
“My dad is going to help”
“Oh good”
We spent more time holed away in the room, the news came, our friends and cats got to the flat. I went to smoke with my beer. I stared up at the black sky. It was peaceful. Tonight, Ukrainians would face another night wondering what would fall from it. As they do still now. We just didn’t know how long that would continue. I didn’t know what was next for us either. At least we were safe.
Each day was wake up. Doom scroll. Check in on friends. Call home office. Interviews. Plan next steps. Doom scroll. Call home office again. Go to the pub.
The barrage of questions I faced between all of this: Are you guys safe? When did your wife arrive to the UK? Russia bombs kindergarten in Kharkiv. What do you think will happen Joe? Please call the other line. How long have you been using SEO practices in your work? Oh, I might need someone to look after our house for a bit, would you want to stay at ours? We got to Krakow, not sure what is next. How are you feeling? How is your wife’s family? Do you want another pint, it’s on me? Do you think Putin will give up? Do you think the Russians will do anything? Kyiv has held. Ghost of Kyiv shot down more planes. He doesn’t’ exist. Zelensky is still there. The NLAWs arrived. What time can you do an interview? NAZIS IN UKRAINE. How is your flat?
My struggle was nothing compared to most Ukrainians or people in Ukraine. I didn’t have to deal with overpacked trains, bad phone signal, bombs, guns, the real fear that I hope no one has to experience, the complete uncertainty. We were safe. But it was my experience, and I wanted to share it.
My wife’s fever subsided in a few days. Eventually, we got the visa for my wife. Not that we stayed forever. Most my friends left; some came back. Like we did. I also got a job after some time. And, most importantly, Kyiv held. Kharkiv held. Odessa held. Mariupol did not. Kherson was retaken. I don’t know what is next now for sure. I can make educated guesses. I have been wrong before and probably and will be again. But I learned on that day, that Ukraine will always stand.
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