Lessons of Tolerance is a 2023 Ukrainian film, now on Netflix, based on the play “Gay Parade” by Igor Bilyts, which is one part about homophobia and overcoming it, but as much about difficulties and realities of a poor family life. It has been dubbed the first full length Ukrainian film to deal with the themes of LGBT and homophobia. This made me a bit worried it would be cliched lectures and speeches we have heard a million times, but it actually went beyond my expectations. There were a couple of tropes I didn’t love, and some clearly incoming plot developments, however, it has a great appeal ,and the director even said that it is not just a “gay film”, and it is true, it addresses other important themes and is also a comedy.
Though it is set in Khmelnitsky, with wonderful accents reflecting this, it is almost entirely within the small apartment of a family of four. This reflects the play aspect, though it also has some sense of claustrophobia of family relationships and realities of poverty. The core concept of the film is that the family are in debt and are convinced by the mother, after threatening to leave, to join an EU sponsored government program which places members of the LGBT community with families to promote equality, to meet EU integration standards.
The father, rather than work, sits around drinking beer with his Kum (the godfather of his son) whom he served in the navy with. The son tinkers with cars for “enough for his cigarettes”, the daughter, recently 18, is dreaming of becoming an actor. The mum works as a schoolteacher, but is, like many Ukrainian (and not only Ukrainian) women, she is burdened with domestic labour as well. While in some ways, the family are a bit stereotypical, they are very real.
A gay man, Vasyl, arrives at the home. The family, especially the men, are surprised that he is a plumber, looks very put together, and is courteous and has a good sense of humour. I was a bit confused at first why being a plumber was a surprise, but I think they assumed he would have a more stereotypical gay job i.e. actor, or was just paid for this scheme etc. I also found it funny how in the west, there are many gay stereotypes about the navy but it doesn’t exist in Ukraine, and the father was in the navy. But that is one of several cultural differences that didn’t quite resonate with me, but I understand that is not the film’s fault.
Vasyl works through various conversational exercises and other activities with the family to increase tolerance and understanding, not just of him, in fact, initially of themselves and their family. He has a glowing ball to serve as a talking tool which plays Ode to Joy, and some of the touchy feely exercises do seem a little bit of a satire of well meaning but naive government efforts to spread tolerance and understanding. Despite this, they are shown to, in a weird way, work.
Over the film, the characters do come to challenge their own thoughts, for example the father considers the huge burden of labour placed on the mother and his lack of romance to her, and everyone’s internal homophobia is revealed and challenged. Even the mother who seemed to be the most tolerant initially, comes out with some of the worst homophobic statements. It doesn’t do so with big lectures or cringey dramatic revelations, more, over slow acceptance, understanding,and a few conflicts on the way. This is very much in line with the director’s intentions,who said he overcame his own homophobia after working and living with gay people.
I do think the characters could have been explored a bit deeper. However, in a way, the film is rapidfire, introducing the family quickly, and Vasyl, and in a way that speaks to the concept of judging people without full understanding. Over time, through conversations, often on the family’s balcony which is a wonderful space where they get to communicate more openly than anywhere else while they smoke (mostly) cigarettes, they reveal more. Though I still think further depth would make them a bit more developed.
I was very surprised, however, we never get a full backstory on Vasyl’s discovery of being gay, in fact it is played as entirely normal, and I quite liked that aspect of the film. I was expecting some big speech, and, no. It does what good Ukrainian cinema does, and leaves things unsaid, rather than American films and shows which have to beat you over the head with the message in case you’re too dumb to understand it. The onus is on the homophobes to justify themselves, not LGBT people for just existing.
On the topic of the balcony, a theme of the film is the issue of space and personal space. Many families in Ukraine, and elsewhere of course, live in apartments where they share rooms well into early adulthood. This lack of space doesn’t bring the family together, rather, it has enhanced their difference, closing off from each other and suffocating their individuality. The balcony is the one space they have to be themselves. In a way, the oppressive nature of the lack of space from the soviet apartment is an interesting example of how Soviet morality and societal models have continued to influence today.
Before I get into “spoiler” territory, I will overall endorse watching this film.The fact that the Zhovten cinema was defaced by homophobes when they showed this film illustrates that there is a real need for better acceptance, despite the fact an increasing amount of Ukrainians are accepting of LGBT people, or at least supportive of them having equal rights. Western viewers, especially younger ones or those who grew up in liberal households and communities, may find some of it a bit obvious in the messaging, but the world isn’t Brighton or Berlin. Homophobia and sexism is a reality for the majority of the world. Also, some jokes are a bit lost in English. But, the humour is quite good, I have often found a lot of Ukrainian films rely on slapstick, and most of it is the absurdity of people’s conversation, their little justifications they give to themselves. I will dive into some deeper analysis, some of my problems with the film, and praise, but this will be spoiler territory.
Do not read further if you care for spoilers
So, I will first outline some of my problems with the film which rely on spoilers, but also reflect on them.
A major plot point is that the homophobic son is first revealed not to be homophobic but acting in accordance with his friends and peer pressure. He wants to fit in, and tries to convince himself he is homophobic. Then, later, him and Vasyl kiss over a joint, and then it is revealed he has kissed another male friend before when drunk. So has the daughter it is revealed, more on her in a moment though. The kiss beween Vasyl and the son was incredibly obviously coming, to me anyway, and I had to suppress a groan. I also thought it was a bit unprofessional of Vasyl, as a representative of the course.
Many of us in the west have seen the trope that homophobes are all secretly gay done a lot and frankly it’s a bit boring by now. This trope can ignore the reality that some people are just dicks or ignorant. However the film does have another homophobe at the end, the Kum, who kidnaps Vasyl, and it isn’t because he is some repressed gay.
However, to credit the film, some films would then focus on a blooming relationship between the two, Vasyl and the son, whereas actually, it was just a stoned kiss and a way for the son to figure out his sexuality, which is left at “i don’t now, who cares”. This is brilliant to be honest, bisexuality, pansexual or being queer doesn’t always need a label, and honestly, who cares. Let people experiment, figure it out, it’s a journey. A lot of film still happens after, not revolving around their kiss and I liked that aspect.
The daughter is, to me anyway, hinted as potentially bi, or asexual, and then it’s more revealed she has an aversion to sex due to trauma of hearing parents having sex while they were in a studio apartment due to their financial situation. This comes back to my point about space and living in small apartments. My issue is that this seemed a bit…unresolved, and briefly stepped over. She is told “its okay ” and it’s then…sort of done?
The mother reveals that her seeming tolerance of LGBT people fails when it comes to her own family members. This I think is great in its realism, and something which I think many people encounter, especially when there are pressures for kids to produce children etc, and the fear of what the neighbours think (honestly, there’s a fair few Ukrainian films about this pressure). However, this also isn’t entirely resolved, she just comes to eventually agree it’s fine if her son pursues love with a man and then wants to go to the Pride Parade at the end. I suppose, what I recognise, is that tolerance comes slowly, not overnight and the film is effectively about that. I still think it would have been better had we seen her internal journey to acceptance a bit more, as it’s easy for people to say they are tolerant until it’s someone they know and love, and showing how to get over that personal struggle would help many people. But not every film has to be all things, so perhaps I expect too much.
The dad’s development is actually quite heartwarming, as the most traditional and repressed, he comes to ask Vasyl to be shown how to do a massage, and while the most hesitant about the pride march, he clearly cares for Vasyl and in a clumsy way is supportive of his son’s emerging queerness. A lesser film would have made him a rude homophobe who only learns his ways perhaps at the very end (a bit like a poor retelling of the Simpson’s episode Homer’s Phobia), or merely cast him to the role of the villainous homophobe vs the nice polite gays and pro-LGBT people. Tolerance does require patience, even if it can be frustrating.
The end of the film is a little odd, as Vasyl is captured by the homophobes, and the characters go to rescue him, and the credits roll as they run in their very camp pride parade outfits. Frankly I think the outfits, while adding a humour to it, and seeing the son love his outfit is pure joy, the idea that to be pro LGBT you have to embrace all the camp parts of LGBT culture, can be off putting. Attendance is, IMO, enough. But I guess it reflects on the visibility of being a supporter in a country like Ukraine, the sense of standing out.
I hope more films can come out that deal with these issues. I am amazed it took this long as a liberal Brit who has had LGBT friends since my teen’s (though I would also use gay as a pejorative to fit in, which I now feel deeply ashamed of, but again, this was entirely normal and I can somewhat see a much less extreme example of the pressure the son has to appear homophobic). But, I think the full scale invasion has been a catalyst for much social change. Things seem very far behind conversations in the west. However, at least Ukrainians have the freedom to have this form of art and conversation, unlike in a certain genocidal nation to the east.
Leave a Reply